The Night Before November

by Jeff Cates

’Twas the night before November, and all through our house

Not a child was stirring, They’d left me with my spouse.

Jack o’ lanterns were placed on the sidewalk with care.

In hopes that trick-or-treaters soon would be there:

The beagles were snoozing all snug in their beds,

While dreams of plump rabbits replayed in their heads.

My wife in her robe with a cat in her lap.

was starting to doze till she gave me a tap.

When out on the lawn there arose so much chatter,

I leaped off the sofa as mad as a hatter.

Over to the window, I flew like a hawk.

Threw open the curtains and tried not to gawk.

Full moon on the top of our new-mowed lawn

Lit up the green grass as though it was dawn.

When what to my blurry-eyed vision looked clear

But a buck and a doe drinking two cans of root beer.

With a passel of fawns hardly moving a lick.

I knew in an instant, our neighbors, Anne and Rick.

More slowly than turtles, the children they came,

Jack whistled and shouted and bellowed each name.

“Now CHARLIE! now MARY! now GARY and SHARON!

On JANET! on SHEILA on ARTHUR! and AARON!

TUp to the porch the tub’s by the door.

Move forward! Move forward! It’s 7:04.

Fast as a scoop of ice cream in the summer they ran.

“Trick-or-treat,” they shouted as Halloween began.

To the sidewalk they headed, fresh candy was bagged

Sacks filled with goodies, but fawn Arthur lagged.

And then in an inking, I heard them outside on our walk,

Stay away from the pumpkins or the neighbors will talk.

As I shut the door and was turning myself around.

There through the fireplace, our beagles did bound.

Chasing the cat climbing my head to my foot.

The room was in shambles, covered with ashes and soot.

Our children came home, both with bulging sacks.

They made out like bandits opening bursting packs.

Her wings — were so wrinkled! now a flightless fairy.

His clown cheeks smudged, his nose the size of a cherry!

Her cute little mouth was the color of a crow.

Looking in her bag, “Where’d the black licorice go?

Our son flashed his best smile and showed us his teeth.

We spotted more red than berries on a wreath.

We looked at the stains from his chin to his belly.

He shook when he laughed since sugar made him silly.

With her wilted wings, our girl looked more like an elf.

When she saw her reflection, she smiled at herself.

I gave our girl a wink and patted her head,

We’ll check your candy before you’re both in bed.

They spoke not a word as we set to our work,

I nearly snickered as we tried not to smirk.

While laying chocolate aside by the sink,

They could be allergic to this, don’t you think?

The silence on our lit porch drove us to our feet.

We opened the door and looked down the vacant street.

The empty tub of candy said we planned it just right.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!

“I won’t tell if you won’t,” he said.

I watched them wrap themselves around each other in a very passionate embrace. “Hey,” I shouted, “take it out of the station.”

They both smiled and vanished from my life. To tell the truth, I was smiling too.